


Be I

by dokyungshit



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Light Angst, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 12:27:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20528018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dokyungshit/pseuds/dokyungshit
Summary: someone asked me to write her a story where things ended differently.





	Be I

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cara aleeza](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=cara+aleeza).

It was a normal morning, like how every other day starts on a holiday. She should’ve known waking up with her phone blasting from notifications is a clear sign that something unexpected was about to happen. Still, clueless and unsuspecting, she grunts as she springs up her bed, reaching over her phone still popping up notifications by the minute.  
She freezes as she sees a series of texts from her friends, loved ones, those she knew, all asking her one question, repeatedly.

  
“Are you_ okay?”_

  
Scrolling past a couple of texts, a friend also sent her a link. She immediately clicks it with a frown.

**YG Confirms B.I’s Departure From iKON And Agency**

Maybe the world did not end with a bang nor screams, but perhaps, it stopped. Although, the wind is still blowing, the pedestrians are still crossing the street and the cars still zoom past through the busy highways of the city. Her mind is a little distraught and all over the place as she read the title over and over ‘til all she can do is scroll past it. Was she _okay_?

**…… Entertainment has released an official statement….**

The seconds pass by like a flash but it slowed to a stop with every word in the news article, and it almost, certainly, seemed like, the world did stop. Not for everyone else, but to someone who has to chase every tick of the clock in time to reach the end of the thread.

**……. departure from the group…..**

Her hands went frigid, like someone just splashed freezing water all over her head down her toes. Feeling the itsy bite of the cold on the tips of her fingers as she tugs on her phone like her life depended on how hard she holds it – maybe it does. So she grips it until her knuckles turn white, and she trembles.

**…decided to leave the team and terminate his exclusive contract…**

Questions keep running through her head, thoughts of how, when, why is this happening? Why of all people, the one thing she knew to be good, has to go through this pain? Really, why? How can this be happening when just a few days ago, everything seemed so well? How can the world be so cruel?  
Her vision begins to blur and the air seemed thinner as her breath turns heavier, chasing through, as if she's running out of it. She wipes her cheek and finds it wet, is she crying?

**…again we sincerely apologize for causing concern….**

Maybe she was, because really, what else can she do?

It has been hours since she had a panic attack, hours since the news. She can’t remember how she got herself to calm down or breathe properly or pick herself up from the slump she was at the foot of her bed. She decided her friends won’t need her today. She can’t. She can’t possibly go on like nothing happened. When all she can remember is the prickling in her chest and the suffocating pain, not much less than what she's feeling right now.

She reads it again, and again and again and again. One more time, one _last_ time. Till she feels her eyes sting from staring too much. Hoping the words embedded in the page of her screen to change, in some miraculous way.

It doesn't.

She blinks and the words are screaming, slapping her face as she stares and stares and stares. Then she feels it again, that little prickling on her chest. Spreading, and seemingly swallowing her whole, sucking all the life in her, as she stares on the letters once more. Her eyes begin to sting again, not from staring. Tears begin rolling down her cheeks and it goes on and on, seeming endless as the hours pass. Hours turned days, turned weeks. It almost felt like a routine.

She would wake up every morning feeling more tired than the day before, hoping that maybe, just maybe, today will be the day. Her friends, her family, shrugging their shoulders as they think she had moved on. Unbeknownst to them the deep empty hole in her chest. The absence of someone so familiar leaving a huge vacant space in her that can’t be filled in by anything. It doesn’t quite fit. No matter how she tries.

  
She must have been falling through an endless black hole of deep longing, of pain, of hopeless waiting for someone who is gone, to come back and save the day. Save_ her_. Or maybe she’s hoping for time to turn back to where she felt most alive because she needs every miracle there is. But no, she isn’t falling; she’s in the same place. Because if she wasn’t, how would he find her?

  
She still remembers the very first moment she laid her eyes on something this precious, so rare, and so _special_. She promised to never do anything that’ll hurt it, hurt_ him_. And because she promised she would stay, she will. He has planted his roots in her so deep, she thinks she will be wilting away with him, but he knows more than that. With him, or without him, she will continue to strive. Because he was only there as her support system, and even then she was stronger than he is. And that’s why she is his support system too.

Time seemed kind enough to heal others, but not her. The pain seemed dull after all those years, but it didn’t fade away. It helped that she felt numb to it now, it had been easier.  
She was successful now, just like he thought she would be, with or without him. She owns a decent apartment in the heart of the city, where the busy streets keep her from being lonely. She’s no longer the kid who cries in front of her phone screen, in the corner of her room, or atop her bed. She’s no longer that kid but she always felt the same, unsurprisingly.  
She walks out of a café with a cup of hot coffee in her hand, striding towards the quiet area of the neighborhood, just beside the riverbank. She felt the cold breeze welcome her as she sits by the stairs following the way down the park. Looking out at the skyline of the city and breathing in as she finds herself truly relaxing.

  
“How long have you been waiting?”

She felt rather than saw the hands that wrapped around her waist as a man in a green hoodie sits beside her. Just like he did all those years ago, a few months after her world stopped and began spinning again. The coffee didn't feel as warm anymore, smiling as she answered,

“Not that long.”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope i did justice to your story and even for a little, cheered you on that things will eventually get better.


End file.
